What is in a Diagnosis?

In therapy, one of the things I do often with my clients is talk about their emotion myths. I have them think about what they have been taught about emotions throughout their lives or beliefs they’ve picked up on their own and we discuss how it affects them in everyday life. Without realizing it, a lot of times what we say to ourselves about emotions can dictate what we chose to do or not do about the feelings we experience.

Some common emotion myths revolve around our emotions being the wrong emotion or fear of feeling an emotion out of risk of losing control. However, there is another myth that is being identified more frequently. It’s the myth that our emotions are who we are and trying to manage them is ingenuine to who we are and can even be invalidating.

I believe this myth, for a lot of people, comes from a diagnosis they have received or have identified with through social media or other outlets. Whether it’s a personality or mood disorder, people have a tendency to over identify and internalize that diagnosis to become a part of who they are just like they would their gender identity, sexual orientation, belief system, or race and ethnicity.

However, it’s important to understand that a diagnosis is NOT there to help people create an identity or personality. The only reason a diagnosis is given is to help your medical team treat you. It helps guide treatment plans and understand symptoms and what may cause those symptoms. There can be a lot of harm done if people take a diagnosis and let it become of who  they are.

1)     It can prevent or slow down learning coping skills.

Something that I emphasize a lot in therapy is that most of us, prior to learning effective coping skills, live life as victims of our emotions as opposed to taking control and influencing our emotions. This can be heightened when given a diagnosis with statements like “Well I’m borderline! This is just how I am!” Or, “Well my depression won’t let me get out of bed.” And finally, “But I feel sad and if I try to change my emotion then I’m being fake and I don’t want to do that.”

These statements or beliefs take away our power over our actions and mind and hands them over directly to our emotions, which can often get us in trouble.

2)     It can feed into hopelessness and helplessness.

When people struggle with things such as severe depression or anxiety, there is already a level of hopelessness and helplessness that comes along with it. Thoughts like, “I’ll always feel this way.,” “There’s nothing I can do about this”, might be ones you catch yourself saying. And when you internalize a diagnosis, you only strengthen those beliefs and the intensity of the emotion or struggle you are experiencing in that moment.

3)     It can prevent creating a life worth living.

Identifying as “bi polar”, “depressed”, “borderline”, or “an angry person” keeps you from feeling worthy of creating a life worth living. Becoming a victim of your emotions plus the hopelessness that you’ll ever feel differently can make it feel impossible to make changes to your life that, with time and practice, can allow you to engage in life more effectively and create a life you WANT to live.

So now that you understand the risks to internalizing a diagnosis, what do you do?

1)     Change your language around your emotional experience of diagnosis

I remember years ago seeing billboard signs with the picture of different kids and a caption that read, “I have asthma, asthma doesn’t have me.” For some reason that statement really stuck with me and changed the way that I, myself thought about my own struggles. Medical problems tend to come with less stigma so for a second, think of your own mental health problem as seasonal allergies or even chronic, life-threatening allergies. Do you allow yourself to make changes such as take medication, carrying extra tissues, or possibly even an EPI pen in order to keep yourself safe or reduce the risk of allergy symptoms? If the answer is yes, then the same can be done for mental health problems.

A simple change is saying “I have…” instead of “I am…”. This already puts distance between you and the emotion or diagnosis and makes it easier to want to use coping skills. Remember, your diagnosis doesn’t determine who you are anymore than wearing glasses or the color of your hair. If you were told that you needed glasses would you throw your hands up in the air and give up on ever seeing again or would you go make an appointment to get glasses?

2)     Learn to distinguish understandable emotions vs. justified emotions.

There is a scene in Inside Out where Joy is on the train of thought and knocks over a box full of blocks labeled “facts” and “opinions” and as she tries to sort them out, she says “These look so much alike!” I feel like that scene is so relatable and the blocks labeled “opinions” could also be labeled “emotions” or “thoughts”.

If I walk into my garden and see a snake and freak out, you might say that my emotion and reaction were understandable. But if you saw the snake and determined it was a harmless gardner snake, my emotion and reaction wouldn’t be justified. Being able to identify if an emotion is understandable or justified can make it easier to use coping skills and not attach to the emotion itself.

3)     Allow yourself to experience an emotion without having to act on the emotion urge.

One of the skills that I find really helpful and freeing is practicing dialectics- or allowing two opposites to be true at the same time. Before you cringe and skip this part, think of how a battery only works if it has a negative and positive charge or how the earth has a north and south pole. Dialectics are all around us and if we become more aware of them, we can lessen the hold that emotions and diagnoses have on us.

For example, you can be sad and still answer the phone call of a supportive friend or family member. You can be angry and not lash out and damage healthy relationships. You can have a diagnosis and still work towards life goals and live life effectively. You don’t have to choose between the two.

I often look at my parents for inspiration as they both were diagnoses with chronic, non-curable medical problems and have chosen to radically accept the limitations while still fully engaging in life by making necessary changes.

4)     Challenge your emotion myths.

Finally, take a closer look at your emotion myths. What are they? When you find yourself in the middle of an intense emotion or crisis what is it that you are telling yourself? Our self talk is incredibly important and the more aware you become of it, the more you’ll be able to challenge those myths and rewrite your narrative.

Who knows, maybe it’ll even allow you to seek professional help.

About the Author

Diana Hughes is a bilingual therapist that specializes in trauma and DBT therapy. With experience as a high school teacher, she works with adolescents as well as adults. She is currently located in Blue Springs, MO.